The Ramblings of a Strange Little Pixie

I need……

to find  happiness. I just don’t have it and I can’t seem to be capable of it.

to like my job and I’m not right now.

for my husband to understand me. He is so not getting me right now.

to start saving money.

to feel like I have made the right decisions in life because they are not feeling right at this moment.

a vacation.

I HATE MY JOB. People suck and bosses suck.

That’s what I want to be. I want to be a happy person. End of story. I don’t want to whine or complain about life. I want to be able to enjoy what God has given me without seeing flaws or worrying about the future. I’m always worrying about something and I need to let it go.

My nana was a pessimist and the older I get the more I see myself turn into her.  I don’t want to worry about the what ifs. Granted, we all need to be prepared for certain things but what is the point of worrying about things that have a 99.9% chance of happening?

I had a good day yesterday and when someone asked me how I was I replied “FABOLUS”.  I actually meant it! I have decided that I just need to let shit go. I can’t change my family, friends or co-workers. I can only change me and in the end it will only be me standing alone on judgement day so I need to focus on me. How will I ever be a good mom or wife when I’m not happy?

So today I’m making a to-d0 list but it won’t  have a million unrealistic things on it. It will have 5 things I really need to do and 5 things that I would like to get done. I am also including one -two fun things!!!

 I haven’t made any progress in my resolutions so I’m going to sit down today and make a list of three things that I can do and rewards for those three things that can help achieve my goals. I figure if I know I have a reward it just might get me motivated.

So I’m off to enjoy my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

It’s a sad day indeed, as I sit her at 2 o’clock in the afternoon still in my pj’s. I slept till 12:15 today. Sad indeed. I’m in a funk and I so need to get out of it!!!!! I’m going to clean the apartment today and spend some time organizing the dining room, insha’allah. I really don’t know what’s bringing on this bout of sadness but I think it is all hormonal. I need to get to the doctor but I really didn’t care for the one I went to last time so I think I might find another one. I don’t like doctors who don’t listen.

I planted some flowers and some oregano yesterday. I want to get a herb garden started again. I had a nice one going but the herbs died when I went to Trinidad. I think I might plant some container tomatoes also. It would be so nice to have some homegrown tomatoes!! They are the best!!!!!

So, I am off to try and salvage the rest of my day because I’m working the next two. Joy, joy. I hope they are better days than the one I had on Saturday….

• Braved Costco today. Pure craziness in there. There are just some extremely rude people in the world. But I am now stocked up! I do have to go back for water because it was too heavy for me and I need DH to get into the cart and car.
• DH locked poor Shakes in the bedroom yesterday. He was one upset kitty when I got home. I told him he is going to have to do a double check before leaving.
• Work sucked yesterday. I only had 4 people and it was like I had 10.
• I HATE when people tell me to calm down. I rant. It’s what I do, just let me get it out and I will once again be my perky little self.
• I have a crap load of stuff to do and all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch tv….so sad….