I survived…
my first day on my own. All my patients were breathing when I left, All charting and chart checks were done by 6:30. I had final med passes and rooms cleaned from my messes by 7:05 and I was outta there at 7:37. Now, that’s amazing!
It wasn’t too bad but the day started of crappy, literally. Ugh. But what made my day go by smoothly is just having one admission, who was a transfer and a discharge. Very lovely indeed. Well, see if I can survive tomorrow!
In a Funk
I’ve been in such a foul mood for the last couple of months. I’m not liking myself too much. It seems I either want to snap someone’s head off or cry or both. I really don’t know what my deal is. I really can’t do anything until Aug. because that’s when my insurance kicks in but I’m going to have to do something because I can’t stand me right now.
I have a million things to do and I don’t have time. Ugh. And when I do I don’t want to do them. I spent most of the day with DH. We went out to eat, saw a movie and then when to the drag racing track. The food didn’t sit well with me at all. I don’t think I will be going back. We saw Stepbrothers and half way into it I wished that we had seen The new Batman instead. Really don’t waste your money on that movie.
I’m on my own tomorrow and I’m scared shitless. I’m hoping I can survive without too much craziness or damage. At least it will be a Sunday. But I have to work Monday too and I HATE Mondays. Too many admissions. I swear if they stick me with two at a time again I will be so pissed off. Or if they give me someone at 6. I’m not busting my ass anymore. If they come at 6, I’ll do the vitals, monitor and meet and greet but that’s it. I’m not staying there until freaking 9pm every night. And the ones I hate the most are the directs. Ugh.
So I will be spending my day trying to plan my trip and pack. I leave Thursday. I’m excited. I’m going to be leaving my kitties at the vet this time. I really don’t want to bother with trying to find someone to come and feed them. I hope they don’t hate me too much! I need to buy a couple of things but I really don’t want to go out today. I hate going anywhere on a Saturday. But I work Sun., Mon. and Wed. So I will be busting my bum Tuesday to get everything done. Are flight leaves at 10 on Thurs. which wouldn’t be so bad but we are flying from Miami instead of Ft. Lauderdale. So that means we get to drive in the wonderful Miami rush hour. ICK!!!
So, I guess I should get off of here and get my lazy bum into gear…
Going back to Cali…
So mom is once again in the San Francisco area! I’m going to try and make it out in Sept. maybe Oct.!!! I adore San Francisco and I’m so excited. I have done lots of the touristy things so I can just relax and take in the city. Should be tons of fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so ready for In and Out Burger!!!!!!!!!!! And I can’t wait to get to a Trader Joe’s. I miss Trader Joe’s so much. I actually wrote them the other day asking if they ever will open a store down here. I was surprised that they actually wrote back. They said it was not in their two year plan. Oh, so sad.:(
Off to work tomorrow. I’m hoping that I can have a productive day and it won’t be a madhouse and my head won’t explode. I can hope….
Why I’m hating my job
Well, I still like my job but it is so freaking hard. A lot harder than the last place I worked. I’m not sure how long I’m going to last on this floor. It’s crazy. CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My preceptor is great but she keeps telling me I need to speed up. Well, freaking duh. I’m on my own on Sunday and Thursday is my last day on orientation and I’m terrified. It wouldn’t be so bad but they keep giving me two admissions at the same freaking time. I mean, come on. I knew that we would be getting a lot of admissions but it sucks because we don’t have an admission nurse right now and I’m still unfamiliar with everything and then they give me two freaking admissions at 5. And then they wonder why I’m not getting out of work till 8:30 or 9:00. I’m going to tough it out a year and then I’m gone. To top it off the aides were complaining that we weren’t helping them enough and all we do is stand around. WTHever. And don’t even get me started on the doctors. Some of them are just arrogant asses who don’t give a damn about their patients. Ok, so now I’m done venting. .
I have two days off till I work again so I’m going to try to enjoy myself. I made my schedule yesterday and actually made a really nice schedule. I gave myself a stretch of 5 days off in the middle of the month. I figure that I might do that once a month just to give myself a break. I hope she doesn’t make any changes to it because it’s a nice schedule. I think I only but myself on two Mondays. I hate Mondays!!!!!!!!!:)
Tuesday Ramblings
- I’m going to the hairdresser today. Something I haven’t done since Feb.!!!!!!!!!! I really can’t afford it right now but my hair is looking like crap. I always feel better when I have my hair done.
- 17 days till Trinidad!!!
- I was a very lazy bum yesterday. So today I will have to clean. BLAH. I also have laundry to do which I don’t want to do.:(
- My plan of spending the day scrapbooking was ruined. So maybe if I have some free time today I can get some pages done.
- My mom is stuck in Limbo with her job. She had some major drama and now she isn’t sure if she’s going to California or Florida. And she needs to be out of her apartment this morning!! I’m really not liking her travel company right now. They have really treated her like crap for the last year. She has been with them for 4 years and they were wonderful but now, not so good. Talked to a traveler in orientation that had the same recruiter as my mom and didn’t have nice things to say about her. Needless to say she is with another company and much happier.
- Having problems picking a wedding date. I’m about to say screw it and call the whole thing off.
- I have lots of people I need to call or at least email. Kinda been ignoring people for the last couple of weeks. I need to sit down today and make a list of things that I need to do. One of them is return phone calls!!!
- I’ve been in a crappy mood lately and I don’t know why. I need to get my thyroid levels rechecked but don’t have the insurance right now. I might have to go to a walk in to get a refill and then wait it out. BLAH! I wished I still had my thyroid. It really is such a pain in the ass not having it. I know it could be worse but it sucks.
- I work tomorrow and Thursday and then I’m off Fri, Sat, and Sun.! Woo-hoo three day weekend! I’m thinking of asking for just another week with my preceptor. Just because they are counting my first week as my four weeks but I really think I need one more week on the floor. I’m sure they will let me. They said to let them know if I thought I needed another week, I’m going to talk to them tomorrow.
Things that make me smile…
- Being able to sleep in today
- Having a gorgeous wedding dress
- People trying to give me money at work for taking such good care of them. Almost made me cry.
- Having some make the comment when I they thought I wasn’t around “she’s such a sweet nurse and she’s taking really good care of me.” I so needed to hear that.
- Having one of my patients ask when did they let teenagers become nurse, that one made me laugh!
- Having a day where I felt I was actually doing my job right and not afraid that I was going to kill anyone. I had 5 patients yesterday and I was basically on my own. I didn’t do too bad!
- Having cake for breakfast. Oh, so bad but oh so good!
- Having a baby cry for me to pick him up. And then trying to eat my nose.
- Having a day of nothing but cleaning my apartment, scrapping and relaxing!
Blah,Blah,Blah….
- I’m loving my new job but at the same time it is so freaking me out. I feel like the worst nurse ever. EVER!
- I had the neediest, crankiest patients all week.
- My feet are killing me. I mean P-A-I-N. It hurts to walk. I’m going tomorrow to get some new shoes. My feet start hurting so bad by 4pm. It feels weird writing that now, which is just weird.
- I picked up my first paycheck! Direct Deposit doesn’t start until the next paycheck. Very nice that my bank is right next to my hospital.
- I picked up a couple of uniforms. So, so happy that I don’t have to wear navy. It was a store that I’ve never been in and they really didn’t have a lot in my size:(
- I pick up my wedding dress tomorrow!
- I finally found some invitations. I also found programs. 40 invitations and response cards for $34. Not bad! DH cousin works at a printing place so I will have him print them for me. I also found some nice save the date cards that you can put a pic in.
- It was freaking hot today and I think I lost 5pounds in sweat.
- I got to do an IV yesterday but the vein blew on me. :/ At least I tried.
- I have the same netflix movies for two months. I think it’s time to get of my lazy bum and return them.
- My cat broke my one and only living room lamp. And he managed to break my pot of blue bonnets and injured my poor gnome that was sitting on the pot. I thought cats were suppose to lower one’s blood pressure not increase it.
- I got to see a picc line insertion. So freaking cool.
- When I tell people where I worked before, I keep hearing nothing but bad things. The only ones who say anything good are people who worked in critical care
- I am so sick of EHarmony commercials. Seriously. If I see anyone of the people from those commercials, I’m so slapping them. They are so fake!
Manic Monday.
Guess what I am doing today? I’m going to be in my sweats all day. Yep. I’m being a complete bum. Know what? It feels awesome!
My kitten turned a year old. I can’t believe how big he is now. He is still crazy as ever and I love him to death. I still miss Caesar like crazy and I guess that will never change. I leave you with a baby pic of our Spirit, or aka my June Bug. 
Stress
I really shouldn’t have that much stress but I have been bugging out lately. It’s getting me physically ill with stomach problems and migraines and the horrible bad dreams. I hate feeling this way!!!!!!! It feels like I have so much to do and I just don’t know where to start. Even making my to do list freaks me out. I wish I could be one of those people who didn’t worry. I wish I could just say F&$K it and that would be it but of course I’m not.
I’m taking 45 min. and just relaxing, drinking my cup of coffee and checking emails and blogs. I’m suppose to go over to our Auntie’s today but I think I’m going to wait until DH gets home. I really don’t think I can deal today. I’m super cranky. I also have a million things I want to try and do. I need to go to the store because I’m basically out of everything! I should go to Costco but I really hate trying to deal with that place on a weekend. I might go tomorrow or Thursday. My mom has the membership where we can go an hour before they open. I have never used it so I guess I should since we have it.
On the brightside I did get my apartment cleaned yesterday. It feels so much better. I really need to start decluttering. I think that’s contributing to my problem. I just have way to much junk in this place. My computer room has become a massive room for all kinds of stuff and I can never find anything. That’s got to change!!! I have one more day off before I go to work. I love having four days off!!!
Wedding
I finally figured out why I want this reception so much. It’s not that I’m about bling and show. I’m trying to do things on small scale and I don’t want to waste money or go into debt over this wedding. But I do want it to be nice and to be surrounded by family and friends. I want a CELEBRATION. Plain and simple. I didn’t get that with the nikkah.
As much as I loved the nikkah and had fun on the day of it, was in one word a struggle. A fight over the lengha, the cake, the food, the invitations. This was not about me, or even DH. It was my MIL’s party. I didn’t choose anything. Well, except my outfit. I put my foot down on that one. I wanted red and not white. Everyone was insisting I wear white because red is a hindu color. WTFever. I didn’t get to pick the decorations out, I didn’t have a say in much really. Everyone else just kinda took over and there I was sitting on the sidelines looking in on this craziness. Also, I had one person there for me. My mom. I didn’t have my family or any of my friends because it was on Christmas day. It was originally suppose to be a handful of people and esculated from there. I wouldn’t need this so much if I was able to have those I loved around me. I think DH’s family forgets that I’m not theirs and that I have another life. A life that doesn’t include them.
I find it very, very hard balancing two cultures, which I find odd since I’m white, blond haired American girl. I never in a million years thought I would be doing this. It’s like I live a double life. And sometimes it’s just exhausting……
