The Ramblings of a Strange Little Pixie

Well, I survived orientation week without my head exploding. Talking about information overload!!! This place is so different! It’s older and our floor really needs some work. I guess our floor is next and I can’t wait for that because I’m not use to such an old unit. But they treat their new hires so much better. I hope I’m as impressed with the floor. I’m glad that I didn’t have to go in yesterday because I was exhausted!!! The only productive thing I did was make it to a kickboxing class at the gym and the rest of the day was spent on my couch. Because come Monday I will be toast!!! The first week is always a toughie!

So today I need to get my apartment back in order and get a to-do list going. I need to figure out what I need to do next week so I’m not so overwhelmed. I have lots of stuff to do for work. All those little exams and such that are always so much fun. They are also going to send me to an ECHO class and I’m taking the ACLS class in Aug. This will be a really great floor to learn on because it’s tele and it’s the stroke floor so I should learn so much. I want to stay on the floor for a year and then I want to try and get into a unit. Preferably CVICU. I hope I can survive!! I have three weeks of preceptorship and then I’m on my own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ACK!!!!!

1. It’s official. I’m know a working woman again.
2. The orientation rocked compared to last job. Everything seems to run a lot smoother over at new hospital.
3. Met some really nice people today
4. Kinda wished that I was in L/D. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I have baby fever.
5. They started off the day with prayer. Welcome to the world of a Catholic Hospital.
6. I am swamped.  I have a million things that need to be done and I just want to sit on the couch and eat chips. But I won’t…
7. Have been really good about making it to the gym and working out. I even worked out after work today. I’m hoping I can fit one in tomorrow before work.
8. I have wedding to go to tomorrow. Weird day for a wedding…
9. I had a nice weekend with DH. He pissed me off Friday but he made up for it.
10. I had the worst food ever last night. EVER. I got barbeque chicken and it smelled like ass. I kid you not. I threw it away. I guess that’s one way to lose weight:/

So, I’m off to get some stuff done. I have three days of nursing orientation but haven’t gotten my schedule for the floor yet. She had already left by time orientation was done. I guess I will have to go in early to catch her. I’m so nervous, I hope it’s a good floor. Or else labor and delivery here I come!! hehehe.

I’ve scrapped my to do list. I’m having yet another lazy day. But I figure it’s ok because as of next week my time will not be my own anymore.

I was driving today and realized how far I have come in the last 5 years.

I moved out of my mom’s when I was 19. In hindsight it was a bad move but hey, I guess I needed to learn whatever I needed to learn right? I somehow always managed to make it on my own. I first moved into a studio apartment and was able to survive without ever asking my mom for money. Not that she didn’t help out. She would stop by with groceries or take me shopping for clothes and things like that. She rocked that way. She still does:) Even though it was rough I was able to manage on my own. Of course that meant sacrifices. Having roommates, working two jobs and giving up certain things. But I was always independent.

Then I met the boy. I was 23 years old and really hadn’t had any serious boyfriends. I really never met anyone that just swept me off my feet. I played hard to get with the boy because I really wasn’t that interested. He just wasn’t my type. He was cute but we were as different as night and day. But I listened to my friends. The “He’s such a good guy, you would be crazy to let him get away”. I should have ran, ran far away.

I ended up dating the boy and though that spark was never there I figured it could be a good relationship and besides lots of people who marry for the spark end up divorced. So we dated, then we moved in together. That’s when I lost me.

I turned into a person that I couldn’t recognize at all. I was the girl at every party who had tons of friends and never, ever stayed home on a Saturday night. EVER! I was the life of the party. I turned into a person who would stay home because the boy didn’t’ like to go out. The only thing the boy did was smoke pot and sit on the couch or work on his mustang. I ended up drowning. We both worked, I give him that. He did work hard but we were always broke. I was working full time and going to school full time and helping my nana. I gave up even more. I gave up my cell phone. I gave up taking my cats to the vet. I gave up my needs. He never gave up anything.

He would yell at me about school all the time. When would I be done, why did I have to take speech how the hell was that helping with my nursing degree. It was non-stop. I had to borrow money from mom all the time. Then he would yell at me for that. I was spoiled he would say. He freaked out when mom would buy things like a computer for my birthday to make my life easier.  Let’s not mention the money that he borrowed from his parents all the time!

Then I got sick. I got cancer and I came to my senses. Here was a man who claimed to love me and he couldn’t give me any peace or help when dealing with one of the worst things a person can deal with. He would always say, “It’s going to be alright, everything is going to be ok”. Then he would leave and go hang out with his friends.  I stayed two years too long. Two years of being miserable and lonely. I had a nervous breakdown from the stress. Nana had two strokes and was close to dying and I lost it. I snapped. I dropped out of school and tried to figure out what to do next. I needed a plan but what?

Then my mom offered an escape. A trip to an island far away. We both needed it and it was by far the best Christmas that I have ever had. I stepped off the plane into paradise. I could breathe, slowly over that week the old, fun loving me returned. Then I met the man. I knew that I was going to marry this man and that scared the hell out of me. We hung out, talked and exchanged email addresses.

I returned home a new person. I packed up my belongings, called my mom to come get me and left the boy a note. I broke free. I was FREE!!!!!

My plan 5 years ago:

1. Leave boy
2. Move back in with mom
3. Get into nursing school
4. Find myself.
5. Be truly happy
6. Move back to Florida. ( I was tired of being cold and tired of snow)

What became of the plan:

1. I left the boy. Boy said I would be back in 6 months. Nope!
2. I am a R.N.
3. I am truly happy
4. I live in South Florida. The boy said I wouldn’t last a year. It’s been 4. 5, guess he was wrong once again
5. I can have things that I gave up back then and not have people yelling at me about it. I have a new car, cell phone, new clothes, vet visits, gym membership and no one can say boo to me about it!
6. I actually have a savings account, insurance and a retirement plan. Something that the boy never got.
7. I married the man.
8. I have reconnected with lost friends and made amazing new ones
9. I found myself and couldn’t be happier…..

I need to call my brother and wish him a happy father’s day I guess. I’m hoping he is having a good one. I have never wished my own father a happy father’s day. How sad is that? I often wonder if he ever thinks about me. Like today, I wonder how he feels knowing he has a child somewhere out there in the world that he will never know. I’m pretty sure that he has no other children. The last time I spoke to him was when I was 7 years old and he had remarried. I know at that time the didn’t but who knows? I recently looked him up out of curiosity and found that he is currently living in Maryland. Part of me wants to meet him sometimes but most of the time not so much.

So my MIL party was a huge success and she had a wonderful time! I was so happy to that she had a good time. We had the perfect amount of food too. We were suppose to go to a party last night but I ended up having a migraine. I felt bad because I know that she wanted to go but I tried. I got there and ended up having to leave right away. It was brutal last night.

I shouldn’t have but I splurged a little yesterday. I bought a new summer dress at Ann Taylor Loft that was on clearance and a new top to wear to my orientation. The total was $78 but with the coupon I had  I only spent $51! $51 I shouldn’t have spent but all well. I also went shopping for bridesmaids dresses. I found two that I liked and I’m going to send out pics to the girls to see which ones they like. My dress still hasn’t come in. I can’t believe that I have 5 months!!!

I’m going to clean the apartment to day so I don’t have to do it tomorrow. I have a party to go to this afternoon and I want to be able to relax when I get home!!

My Masha’Allah list for this Friday.

1. Having great DH who doesn’t fight and act the fool. Double masha’Allah for that! I want to write a post about domestic violence soon. I have very strong feelings about this because I grew up in that environment and it breaks my heart to see women stay with abusive husbands in this day and age.

2. DH bought me a laptop!!! Usually he ask before making big purchases but hey I get a new laptop so I’m not complaining!!

3. I have a job!!! I’m terrified because I hope it doesn’t turn out like last job because I will have to suck it up here because I don’t like to job hop.

4. Having AC again. Enough said:)

I will be back to work in two weeks!!! I went and signed my new hire paperwork today! I have a full week of orientation unlike the last job. I only have to dress up for the first day and the rest of the days I can wear scrubs. And the best part is that I can wear any color I like. No more boring navy and white!!! Of course I will be wearing my navy and white because I have a crap load of them now.

So I actually have made it to the gym three days in a row. How awesome is that. I’m getting rid of these pesky 10lbs. if it kills me! I have been good about not bringing sweets in the house. No more cookies, chocolate, soda or ice cream.

The a/c is still out and the poor kitties are dying. I guess there was ice blocking my pipes and they have to wait till it melts before I can run it again. I hope it melts fast because it like an oven in here.

Talked to my sis. She is thinking of moving here. That would be so awesome. I would love her to be around so we could actually get hang out and I could actually get to know my nephew. I am closer to DH nieces and nephew because they I’m around them more. I told her she could get so much help with everything if she lived here. And it would just be fun to have my sis around!:)

I’m basically in hell right now. It’s only 8:55 am and I have sweat pouring off me. YUCK! I awoke to my AC being broken this morning. FANTASTIC. Just what one wants while living in South Florida. The office isn’t open yet so I am trying to be patient. I hate calling the emergency line because they don’t respond any quicker anyways.

I am enjoying getting up once again. I forgot how good it feels to have a productive morning. Just makes the whole day go better! Today is my errand day and I really don’t want to leave the house but I have to get my PPD read so it’s a must. I also need some food and kitty food so I guess I must. Or I would have to face some very angry, hungry kitties and no one wants that!!!:)

We are having a party for my MIL Friday for her birthday. We decided to order the food because if I had to cook I would be freaking out. I have never cooked for that many people and well, not quite sure if I want to. But anyways, we decided to go and order some food from a very tasty middle eastern, halal restaurant. Yeah, that didn’t work. It was a nightmare trying to explain what we wanted. They wanted to only gives kabobs and kaftas and it would have been $400. CRAZINESS!!! So I got a hold of the caters that did our Nikkah and we are now having Indian food at half the price. 

I will be busy this weekend. Two parties and a day out with one of my girlfriends. Should be fun!!! We are going to go and hunt down some bridesmaids dresses on Saturday. I really hope I find something that I like and they will like. My colors are black, white and pink.  I was going to let everyone just choose their own black dress but I really like the look of all the girls in the same dress. If I don’t find anything I guess I will go ahead and go that route because I don’t want to be a bridezilla. And besides does it matter that much? 

Got so much accomplished today!!!

1. Drug screen at new place of employment.
2. Spent $10 on scrappy goodness at scrapbookstore right next to hospital. I haven’t been to this store since 2005 and thank goodness it closes before I get off work!:)
3. Went to Halal butcher and got some meat. We have been eating a lot of fish and veggie meals. Figured we could use some chicken.:) But I was so happy to find Kinder eggs in there!!! I haven’t had a kinder egg since I left Germany!
4. Had an awesome workout today. Gym was packed with young people who I’m assuming are teenagers. I hope this isn’t how my summer is going to be. I enjoy being at the gym in the afternoon because no one is there. This will so suck.
5. Cleaned apartment and cleaned out and rearranged dresser.
6. Managed to do three loads of laundry. I really hate laundry.

So I am going to try and get some more photos organized, hopefully scrap a couple of pages with new paper and I might work on some wedding stuff.

I was reading about Obama today and some idiot was saying that she wasn’t going to vote for him because he was Muslim. I really think they should ban her from voting. Seriously, does she not read a newspaper or watch the news? I mean, yeah having a Muslim name makes you Muslim. Idiot. 

Baby purchased tickets to Trinidad today. I’m so excited!!! I just hope we can get a hotel room because if we don’t I will surely die from the heat because I am so spoiled that way. Know what is even cooler? My baby brother may be there the at the same time for work!!! Awesome. Especially since I haven’t seen the brat since ‘05.