The Ramblings of a Strange Little Pixie

 May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand……Irish Blessing

I have been celebrating by cleaning my apartment and reading some new blogs in my cute pink pj’s with green shamrocks!!!

I hate mentioning it. It’s one of those clubs that you just don’t want to belong to. It doesn’t matter what type, what treatment you had it sucks. People will often say that you are lucky it’s an easy cancer to treat. Yes, masha’allah for that but that doesn’t mean that I get to live a perfect life now after the fact. I will always be missing a critical organ. As small as the organ is I needed it! I miss it! It has been almost 8 years and I haven’t really given much thought to the C word. Every now and then I will mention it to someone or I will think about it in a passing thought.

But for the last couple of days it’s been on my mind and I don’t know why. Paranoia I guess. I went to the doctor yesterday and she said one little thing that could be nothing and it threw me into a panic. I go for blood work Monday and I’m sure I’m fine but I have just this paralyzing fear right now and I don’t know why I have it. Damn the c word.

I wish that sometimes I could just take a vacation away from life. Just walk away and just place a bookmark and come back where I left off. Today is one of those days that I would really love to do that. I’m tired of people and I’m tired of being me. I’m tired of trying to please everyone and do what is expected of me. I just want to be me again. I just want to be happy. Sadly, I don’t remember when that was…

So I passed my EKG class. Woo-Hoo!!! Of course that doesn’t mean anything really does it? I hope I can remember what I learned. I’m just glad that’s over with! I know have to sit through 8 hours of computer classes tomorrow. BLAH!

I’ve decided that I’m going to buy tickets to see Wicked with my MIL. I really want to see this show and I refuse to drag baby along with me. I don’t want to torture the poor fellow.

 I have lots on my to-do list today and I don’t feel like doing anything! I’ve decided to make some changes in my life. Hopefully I can make them. I’m going to try and eat healthier and stop eating so much junk. I use to be so good about this. Then ironically when I started nursing school that all went out the window.

I also am going to try to fit my exercise into my routine. I am going to try and hit the gym at least 4 times a week. I have been going and I can already start to feel the difference. Now I really need to step it up.

I also need to be better about praying on time. I have a bad habit lately of reading my salaah late. I need to stop whatever I’m doing when the azan is called and just pray!

I also want to get out more. I’ve realized that I have become to much of a homebody. I need to get out and explore. Even if it is by myself!!! So I’m off to eat lunch and work on that massive to do list. BLAH!

Words can’t express on what I saw on you tube last night. I don’t care if the video was real or fake. I don’t know anyone with a soul can torture or harm an animal or any human being for that manner. I would like to think that kindly of our soldiers even if it isn’t a war that I believe in. I come from a military family. Both of my grandfathers, uncles, siblings and mom were in the military so I know that they aren’t all bad people. It breaks my heart when I see a solider being cruel. War or no war one should still have some morality left.

So I went to the Heat game last night. What  a disappointment that was. We ended up leaving before third quarter was even over. I hope they can pull themselves together for next season.

So I will have a busy week this week. I work Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then I have the final two days of my EKG class on Monday and Tuesday. Then on Wednesday I’m going to get my a/b computer classes out of the way. I will be dead by Thursday.

I have 20 gazillion things to do and no energy. I finally found a doctor and go next Friday. I’m not sure if the exhaustion is just from stress or what but I will find out next week, insha’allah. I just want to feel  normal again.

I really need to get some stuff done for the wedding. I think I’m going to start making some phone calls next week and set up some appointments for April. I still need to get my dress. I keep saying that I’m getting it and something keeps coming up. They have a sale that ends Sunday  but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. Maybe I can swing in after work. I need to make appointments with some florist and bakers. I have my photographer and DJ so at least a couple of the big people are out of the way!